As i recall those times in my life i never spoke about, the times whereby i was lonely and self absorbed in pity. I felt like i was a fiasco, almost too comfortable with being lonesome. Think they had a word for what i was going through. Maybe thats just the term "rebellious years".

Think not many people like the fact that i called beatrice up everynight to rant over that certain girl or about my family. Yes, beatrice whom people actually believe was my girlfriend for a like a week? YUP! MAJOR PRANK! So anyway, i think i'm quite off topic.

What i'm trying to say is, it has been four years... Four years and i've change from what i was till who i am now. I'm much happier now, more than ever. I used to dish out on how i couldn't take the way my family treats me, but now everything is awesome.

sidetrack, Frankly, i miss those people whom i used to call everynight. I miss how they never get tired of hearing me tell the same thing over and over again. (or atleast pretended they're not tired) If any of you are reading this, remember id still do anything for you and if you need me anytime, just ring and id be there first cab still in pyjamas.

So the whole point of all that really rare mushy talk from me was just to finally say, i havent felt like that in years. Until today. I'm pretty sure it started from school but it didn't quite hit me till now, this very moment. Realisation, thats what i'm going through. Intepret this as you like, mock me for beating round the bush. I'm feeling quite horrible tonight. I miss being honest to.
I miss being able to say anything on my mind. I miss being told its alright. I miss being... ME. See, i"m quite a dependent person, thats probably a bad quality. Its almost equivalant to saying i'm gay (no offense, its only in a girl and me scenerio). Did i already say i feel horrible tonight?

Usually, id like talking things out in a relationship. But for us, we never talk about anything. Theres a million times i would like to call you up in the middle of the night but theres this hesitation. Sorry i had to type all of this out here for you to read, but it just seems like i couldnt get to you in any other way. I still dont get why you don't believe in relationships or explanations and reasons. Then on what basis do you want to know me? Its one thing not to believe the norm or cliche acts people out there follow closely from their book "how to act in a relationship" and to actually want to know the one you love. You have your reasons, you never knew what was mine.

i want you to want it, not just anything; 12:10 AM